Self-care is essential for our well-being. However, prioritizing ourselves can cause guilt and shame. Why this inner struggle? How can we make things easier for ourselves?
The idea of self-care is common, but taking care of ourselves means putting ourselves first. And that can be easier said than done. Because when we do, we might feel guilty and ashamed.
1. Guilt regarding self-care.
Depending on our age, our social and religious background, and our values, putting others first can be a cornerstone of our culture. I was raised that way, too. There's a lot to be said for selflessness and social awareness. But what I didn't acquire was the ability and responsibility to take care of myself.
I was so busy taking care of others, including some people who didn't need my help, that I neglected my own needs.
I felt safe assuming that the social code I was following meant others would look out for me when needed. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. It also means that being a good person doesn't guarantee good treatment. No. Naive as it may seem, that realization hit me much later in life.
If this has happened to you, you may have noticed the discomfort and disdain you felt when putting your own needs first. Why? Because we can be judged as selfish, arrogant, and antisocial.
So, prioritizing ourselves can make us feel uncomfortable, ashamed, and guilty.
2. What we do out of love.
Depending on how we were raised, we may have developed the belief that receiving love, praise, and recognition is tied to the care we show others. And often, despite all the care we show others, we don't receive the love we so desperately crave and deserve. So we try even harder. And still, it's not enough (apparently!). At this point, we can take prioritizing others to an extreme. Then, consciously or unconsciously, love and concern for others become conditional, tied to something we or others do: If you do X, you'll get love. But it never works. Because true love is unconditional.
The truth is, we all deserve love. Sadly, we are often led to believe otherwise.
The belief that we are not worthy of love is one of the most dangerous falsehoods that ruin our lives.
That's why so many of us find it easier to give praise than to receive it.
3. The moment of awakening
In the long run, focusing so much on others at the expense of our own needs can cause discomfort, disappointment, bitterness, and resentment. At some point, we discover that this issue of caregiving only has one side: ourselves. But we must accept our responsibility. It takes two for something like this to happen. If we always solve everything for others, how will they learn to be independent? When will they realize that we expect them to change their attitude toward us?
4. Making self-care happen. Change and conflict
We may fear, and it may have happened to us, that conflict will arise when we prioritize our own self-care. Especially with those who were used to us putting them first. If we withdraw attention, time, and resources from them, they notice and react. Who wouldn't? I would feel the same way, wouldn't you? But in that case, I hope
Ask for an explanation and reflect on the one I receive.
Do not judge or accuse the other person of being selfish.
Be understanding of the other person's needs, even if you're in a bad mood.
But I would survive, and I would tell him: Good for you! You're finally taking care of yourself and being considerate!
5. The ability to take care of yourself
.Say no
Be consistent
.Delegate
Ask for help
Letting others take charge of their own lives
If we are not used to taking care of ourselves, it may take us a while to learn to tune in to our bodies, feelings, and mind, which will tell us what we need.
It can take some time to learn to trust your intuition and judgment.
That's because we have underutilized the complex and wise internal mechanism that provides us with inner guidance.
Don't get discouraged if it takes a while. Nothing is lost; everything will benefit you.
6. And finally: it's not a competition.
There can be a very fine line between caring for yourself and caring for others. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. A healthy balance should be achieved between the two.
There are times when we choose to postpone our own needs in favor of those of others. But that cannot be permanent.
Self-care is not selfishness. It's being responsible for ourselves and others.
Without understanding and honoring this responsibility, your life will vibrate less and will have less color, energy, potential, balance, possibilities, love, and peace.
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